If a friend or family member has been assaulted, it is important to respond in a supportive, non-judgemental manner. Research indicates that a supportive response by the first person with whom a victim confides can facilitate a victim’s ability to heal. A blaming or otherwise hurtful response can hinder a person’s ability to seek help and heal from the trauma of assault.
Helpful Actions:
- Believe your friend or family member. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone.
- Listen without judgment or blame; be supportive.
- Reassure your friend or family member that the assault is not their fault.
- Reassure your friend or family member that drinking underage or on campus is a lesser infraction than sexual assault and will not be the focus of the police or university personnel.
- Notify your friend or family member of the importance of completing a wellness exam, and their option to contact the Ada County Victim Services Center or the police for a sexual assault forensic exam. Evidence can be gathered shortly after a crime has occurred and the victim will have time to decide if they would like to go forward with an investigation. Please note that evidence collection is usually done by police request, and only done in a certain window of time post-assault, by specially trained medical personnel who are typically housed at Family Justice Centers and sometimes hospitals. Even if your friend or family member does not wish to report to police or campus officials, encourage them to seek medical attention immediately. In addition to getting treatment for any injuries, responding quickly can provide time to make decisions about prophylaxes for sexually transmitted infections, pregnancy, or HIV.
- Help your friend or family member identify campus and community resources, such as the licensed social workers at the Gender Equity Center, who can offer confidential support, referrals to counselors, advocacy in reporting or seeking resources and information about resources, rights, and options. Connect them with the How to Help Yourself page.
- Find support for yourself; consider speaking with the Gender Equity Center social workers (208)-426-4259 for a referral.
- Allow the survivor to choose what information is shared about the assault. Do not pry for details and don’t tell others without permission, unless law requires you to do so.
- Understand the survivor might not want to be touched. Ask before hugging or crossing any other physical boundaries.
- Be patient. Understand that recovery can take months or years.
Unhelpful Actions:
- Conveying judgment or making comments about how they could have “prevented the attack.”
- Pressing for details. Allow them to share what they are willing to share.
- Sharing information with anyone without the victim’s/survivor’s permission. Respect confidentiality.
- Calling the police or other resources without the victim’s permission.
- Trying to get revenge against the person who hurt your friend or family member. This redirects the survivor’s focus to your wellbeing and safety, and away from them getting support and feeling safe.
- Taking decision-making away from the survivor. The victim has already had someone take away their power, respect the informed decisions made by your friend or family member.