Healthy Relationships and Consent

Healthy relationships

We all deserve to have healthy, fulfilling, and safe relationships! Relationships come in many forms- from friendships, roommates, hook-ups, and romantic partners. But all healthy relationships include:

Healthy boundaries
Healthy communication
Mutual respect
Support

Additional Information

Signs of a Healthy Relationship

A healthy relationship does not mean a “perfect” relationship, but we should strive for the following behaviors in all of our relationships.

Comfortable pace
Trust
Honesty
Independence
Respect
Equality
Kindness
Taking responsibilities
Healthy conflict
Fun

Content provided by the One Love Foundation

Healthy Boundaries and Consent

Boundaries

Boundaries can help us define what we are comfortable with, and how we want to be treated by others. This includes physical, emotional, and digital boundaries. When considering your own boundaries, pay attention to the relationships around you, in real life and the media, and consider what makes you uncomfortable or what is important to you. Once you understand your boundaries, it will be easier to communicate them to a partner!

An important part of healthy communication is consent. There are legal definitions for consent, but really consent is all about setting your own boundaries, respecting the boundaries of others, and checking in when something isn’t clear.

Consent can be communicated in verbal and non-verbal ways. It is important to pay attention to both. However, body language can be trickier to understand, which is why verbal communication is the clearest way to communicate consent

Consent:

Ways to communicate consent:

How are you feeling?
I’d like to [blank], would you be into that?
How can I make you feel good?
How does this feel for you?

Alcohol + Other Drugs and Consent

A person who is incapacitated cannot consent to sexual activity, even if they verbally agree to an activity. It can be difficult to tell if someone is incapacitated because the signs of incapacitation can vary from person to person. It is also more challenging if you have also been drinking. Some potential signs of incapacitation are:

Slurred speech
Confusion
Falling asleep
Loss of balance
More impulsive

Someone can be incapacitated even if they are not showing these signs.

If at any time you are unsure if someone is sober enough to consent, do not engage in sexual activity. Those who are under the influence of drugs and alcohol who want to initiate sexual activity are still responsible for obtaining consent.

Want to learn more about Boise State University’s Policy on Consent? Check out Policy 1065

Resolving Conflict

Conflict exists in all relationships, and isn’t necessarily a bad thing. You are entitled to have a different perspective or opinion from the people in your life.

However, it is important to communicate in a healthy way that allows you to understand each other’s perspectives.

Here are 7 tips for handling conflict:

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Adapted from Love is Respect and the One Love Foundation

Things to Discuss Before Sex

Here are a few ideas for conversations to have before sex. Think about what topics are most important to you!

Relationship expectations

Discuss if you are looking for monogamy, dating, hooking up, etc.

“I’m looking for a serious relationship right now”
“I am not looking for a long-term relationship right now”

Safer sex

Discuss birth control and STI prevention

“I take birth control pills, but I still want to use condoms”

Sexual desires and boundaries

STI testing and status

“I was tested last month and my results were negative, what about you?”
“I am living with HIV and am undetectable. That means there is effectively no risk of me transmitting HIV to my sexual partners”

Trauma history

Discuss any related needs, triggers, and how to maintain self-care

Content provided by UC Davis Student Health and Counseling Services Consent & Communication Guide (follow link to view guide)